ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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