HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize