im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
