they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
