i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
