I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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