let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
