You're my little dorito
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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