I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
