Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
