The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
