"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
