This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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