I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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