My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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