I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
