Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize