update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Randomize
