I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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