Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
