I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
