I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
