Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I have fence marks all over my body
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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