Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
