Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
