We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
