whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
