It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
