the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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