my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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