Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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