nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
