we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
two words: eviction party
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
