I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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