if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
