Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
i am craving dick and cupcakes
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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