I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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