just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
my liver is dry heaving
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
