We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
