Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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