Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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