he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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