Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Randomize
