I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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