Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
