but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize