i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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