There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
