Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
