Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
