you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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