I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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