Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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