i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
