Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
