the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
we should paint friendship bongs
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
