Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
