how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
