you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
