oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
