i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
