How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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