Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
