I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
