Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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