Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
