she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
