This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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