ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
