I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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