he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
